Here is a sample of what you will find in my upcoming books:

LEARNIN' TO DRINK WHISKEY

When I was growin' up,
I didn't play with normal toys;
I had one interest in life:
TV and the life of cowboys.

I watched their every move
Like sleepin' under the stars
And gamblin' and fightin'
And drinkin' at the bars.

They were always drinkin' whiskey
To a victory or a truce;
I thought the stuff must taste
Better than sweet grape juice.

Well, one day I was playin'
Alone in Daddy's car;
I found a sack under the seat
And inside--a whiskey jar.

I took the jar from the sack,
Gave it a thorough inspection;
Then I looked all around,
Wanting to avoid detection.

What an opportunity,
I had to take the chance;
When I told all my friends,
My status would be enhanced.

I removed the lid from the jar,
Glanced around one more time;
I was gonna drink like a man,
And the taste would be sublime.

I took three giant gulps,
To satisfy my desire;
Then the shock of my life,
I thought I had drank fire!

Flames shot out my nose
My mouth, my eyes and ears;
I grabbed my throat and gagged,
I couldn't see thru tears.

My esophogous was burnin'
Fire was in my head;
I was pretty sure I'd drunk
Red-hot molten lead.

I wanna tell what happened
But I don't wanna be crass;
I truly sincerely believed
Flames were shootin' out my . . . feet.

I groped for the door handle,
Rolled out on the ground;
I writhed and wretched and heaved
Then barfed all around.

Slowly I recovered,
Then stared at that liquor;
Even drinking gasoline,
Couldn't o' made me sicker!

I ain't never been so shocked,
That was quite an education;
Reality's never differed so
From my expectation.

I had new-found respect
For cowboys . . . and my Daddy too;
Tough enough to stand that stuff,
They were he-men . . . thru and thru.

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